Unplugged - getting lost in technology

I love technology, I love being blown away at how clever us humans are, I love being able to compose this article lying on my back tapping it into a smart cellphone that probably has more computing power than a 1960s space rocket. The fact that I can hit send and have it on someone’s desk on the other side of the planet in a few seconds’ amazes me, the fact that I can upload it onto the web for all to read is even more amazing.

But as much as I marvel at the leaps and bounds technology has come in my life, I also marvel at the way I have so easily adapted to it. It’s a bit like the frog in the hot water myth - you know the story?

Put a frog in a pot of boiling water and it will jump out, put the same frog into a pot of cold water and slowly bring it to the boil and the frog won’t register the change of heat and end up boiled.......and dead. Now, I am told with great authority by my friend that this was tried and tested by the Mythbusters team and proven to be untrue. Nevertheless for the purposes of illustration we'll pretend its true - who knows, it’s pretty certain that someone on the internet has a long protracted truth of how it is actually true and the mythbusters guys were paid by the Amphibian Anti Cruelty League to debunk the theory. I saw it on the internet......it must be true......

I digress. The reference to the frog serves to describe me and the rest of humanity.

If I operated at the same pace and time management now that I did when first began working 25 years ago, I probably would have collapsed with exhaustion in the first day.

Granted, my first job wasn’t the most taxing in the world - I was a junior trainee manager at the Lord Milner Hotel in Matjiesfontein, which was a bit of a throwback to the Boer war anyway. We had a telex machine in the office along with an adding machine and an electric typewriter. That was the sum total of our technology, and coming to grips with that took me awhile. Every Monday I would have to type out the vegetable order onto a roll of yellow ticker tape and once complete, I would dial - yes dial, the number of the veggie supply guys in Worcester. When answered one fed the tape through the machine it would miraculously transform into legible figures and letters on the receiving end. Amazing stuff. This really was amazing in a village where we still had a matronly woman manually operating the phone exchange.

One day a slim shiny box arrived with the weekly delivery on the train, the General Manager, with much fanfare and fuss, unpacked our new fax machine. Wow, I was blown away, but soon frustrated, as the only other person I knew with a fax was the veggie guy. I wanted to send rude cartoon drawings to my mates......but they still had telexes. Suddenly Monday morning had an extra hour - the fax was quick, and even quicker was the reply - the veggie guy didn’t have to retype the whole order telling us what was and wasn’t in stock. It wasn’t long before the veggie guy began to see the entertainment value of this new invention, and I got to send the rude cartoons.

Nothing has changed really; we just email the jokes and rude cartoons these days.

The other day we were playing with my wife’s new Android type phone. It’s apparently a worthy alternative to the iPhone. This little puppy can tell you what song is playing in the background by searching the internet and comparing what its "hearing" to what is on file. It’s rare that it gets it wrong. The phone also sports a spirit level, just in case you have an uncontrollable urge to install a shelf, it can tell you what stars are in the sky tonight and best of all it has a state of the art fart machine that delivers 28 different and very realistic fart sounds. Oh yes .....You can make phone calls with it as well, after studying the manual and fiddling around a bit.

My second job in life, a real job, after messing around in boats, travelling and learning how to drink beer in the army, was with a landscaping company. I got to drive a Toyota Hilux pick up that had a large whip antenna connected to a two way radio. We could communicate between the company vehicles and our office but most importantly, we could connect to a telephone line, and talk to most anybody.

Man......did I feel important.... There I was able to drive around and talk to people on the phone - no hands free kit necessary. The downside was that the conversation was one way at a time (simplex transmission as it’s known in technospeak).....come in over......if you know what I mean.....over and out. I can remember being parked outside the Pig and Whistle pub showing off to my friends and onlookers.

But that was short-lived - technology moved on a notch and all of a sudden cellphones took over our lives. I often wonder what happened to the room full of ladies who used to patch through the radio phone calls? They were nice, we used to often just shoot the breeze on the radio, I even once went to visit them at the control room unfortunately she wasn’t as pretty as her voice.

My life had begun to speed up, the days before the radio; I would cruise around making a list in my head of things I had to ask my boss when I next spoke to him. I would arrive on site and get stuck in and do the job, no interruptions. The radio telephone gadget was useful but annoying; i would always have to park the vehicle close by to where I was working so I could hear the thing. You know the way employers get miffed when they can’t reach you?? These days you don’t really have an excuse, but those days....hmmm....” Is that a one ton bakkie with a whip antennae in your pocket ?”

But yet the boss expected me to be contactable. In hindsight I suspect he was onto me and knew that I spent a lot of time parked outside the Pig and Whistle showing off.

But that’s it exactly - isn’t it ? Isn’t that what we love so much about technology ? It’s a socially acceptable way to show off. As technology improves we feel it’s necessary to enlighten our fellow humans as to the virtues of things new.

Watch people with new phones and cameras, they can’t help themselves, watch the same person when that model is outdated.

A few years ago, whilst waiting to board a plane, a kid sniggered at my old laptop...”What a brick”, he muttered to his mate, I would have kicked his shin under the table, if his mum hadn’t been watching. It made me realise that i did indeed own a brick and suddenly I wasn’t so keen to expose it to the world anymore  - shallow eh....

The same thing can be said of the internet - except that it’s a great leveler. Famous people have Facebook pages, unknown people have Facebook pages, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, first world, third world.......we have all got them, so now how do we show off, we all have the same gear on the net - as I said it’s a great leveler. So what do we do ? We collect friends.

That’s all.....without even realising it we are in a competition, and it appears Barack Obama with his 12 and half million pals is winning, but I am not convinced he should be considered for the honour.

Check out our behaviour if you are a Facebook fan. I went through a few lists of other peoples friends and then asked them how they know so and so. " Sorry....er.... who is that....yes it rings a bell....er...maybe..."

I am friends with people I haven’t seen in 30 years - what’s the point, it hasn’t rekindled any old bond, in some cases the renewed connection hasn’t even resulted in a personal note. I suppose it’s just a type of canned community - instant...... just add friends. It makes us feel like we belong, it’s a good alternative to the village square or church and it keeps me busy…..too busy somedays.

I met a lady last week who offers her services to “update, collate and manage” social media pages for busy people, and she is doing very well.  In ordinary speak, she will run your Facebook, Twitter, Linked In, blah blah page on your behalf while you get on with answering your emails, sms, mms, Skype, landline and fax.

It reminds of the old German man I had on tour with me awhile back. driving past the new One &Only hotel in Cape Town, I mentioned that this was Africa’s first 6 star hotel. One of the other visitors asked: "What’s the difference between a 5 and 6 star hotel" and without a skipping a beat the old German, in a dry, monotone, heavy German accent voice piped up from the back....."In a zix star hotel zay haf people to eat ze food for you"

My sentiments exactly.